hmm?

I'm kinda worried about myself. It seems like lately, I am the most content when my mind is vegging out and not really working on anything. I guess this might be a common thing? but it's not the way I used to be at all. My grades are dropping in school and I have a hard time focusing on conversations and remembering (and even picking up on)details. I don't know what's going on with me at all. It's like I just want to check out of life, in general. Or most of it, anyway. I don't really care about school, a career, money, etc...I wish my time could be solely spent on praying, reading the bible, and of course my boyfriend. And music. Some friends, too. Everything else just seems very low on my priority list right now and I just can't get myself to focus on those things. I'm very apathetic. I don't like it. It's scaring me.

God,

do you really think I'm ready for this? why would you put this in my life if you thought I wasn't? are you trying to be ironic or just lovingly difficult? why would you make me wait so long for something that I thought would be the best thing that would ever happen to me, only to give me something that is amazing and absolutely heartwrenching at the same time? what did I do to make you think I needed this to build my character? where did I fall short?

come on.....

guys need to grow up and get over commitment issues. yes, that means you. everyone wants to be the less committed one in the relationship because it makes them feel powerful and it gives them an ego trip. but don't you realize that it really hurts the more committed one when you act as though their love is unimportant to you? think of other people before yourself for once. okthxbye.

blah

let down after let down after let down after let down after let down......
i really need something good to happen to me for once...
because I'm getting really tired of this
i feel like crying right now but I'm just too dang tired
i hate it when people let me down. When they turn out to be NOT the person I thought they were. When they make me feel like I'm unimportant.
I hate this.
ugh.
I guess I just need to stop expecting good things to happen because then I won't be disappointed when they don't.