Complicated

I like how when we're little kids we can look to the future with such innocence...we don't even think about how things will happen and how we will change...we just take things for granted. We knew then that we would grow up, have a career, get married, and have kids. That was never even a question. But when you've actually gotten to the point where the whole "growing up" thing is knocking at your door, it gets a little more complicated. All of the little details that you never thought about suddenly all demand at once to be worked out, and if you decided to take longer than normal to "mature", sorry, you're out of time.

There are a lot of things to learn between the time you're a little kid with big aspirations and when you are "grown up". I was kinda sheltered when i was younger so I think that there are a lot of things I don't think about in certain situations that a lot of people my age do. I'm pretty innocent in the way i approach a lot of things, even though I probably have as much knowledge as others my age. It's almost as if I don't always have the capability of applying my own knowledge to my life, or even recognizing when this knowledge could be applied. It's even to the point where sometimes I don't even act on what I want because I'm so detached from my life, almost like a movie or something. I'm not selfless-- I do obsess over some situations and hope that they work out in a way that I like, but something is keeping me from taking steps toward what I want. Maybe I'm scared. Maybe I'm too afraid I'll mess up, or look stupid, or I'm too afraid I'm going against what God wants. In any case, I feel like I'm in suspension between being a kid and being an adult. I wonder what's finally going to motivate me to grow up.